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#71: Nine

December 28, 2009

Yep, time for the token movie-turned-musical-turned-movie-musical complete with original “Best Song” contenders and all.

So what’s it about?: An Italian filmmaker has a lack of film ideas and an overabundance of women.  Musical chaos ensues!

The Good: The acting is outstanding.  Even Daniel Day Lewis, who is horribly miscast, is still great as always, and the star studded ensemble of women do wonderful jobs in their not-so-wonderful roles.  And “Cinema Italiano” is a freaking catchy song (and a surefire nominee for Best Song).

The Bad: This movie is a mess.  The story is, well, non-existent.  It’s a diluted version of a musical that is a diluted version of a film, and what’s left is nonsensical dribble.  The insertion of musical numbers seems almost forced at times, and the directing is just atrocious, as if Rob Marshall was sitting in the theater next to you screaming “It’s ARTISTIC!”  And frankly the ending was probably the worst, cheesiest, gag-me-with-a-spoon ending in the history of all endings.  And if I ever hear “Be Italian” again, I’m going to admit myself to a mental institution.

The Verdict: Pick up a copy of Fellini’s 8 1/2 and an original cast recording of Nine and play them simultaneously while running around in skimpy lingerie and smacking a tambourine and it’s just like seeing this movie.  Musical fans can just be grateful they didn’t put in “The Bells of St. Sebastian” and thoroughly butcher it.

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