#53: 2012

Okay, so I love a good popcorn movie, so what better movie to see than a film by the popcorn master himself Roland Emmerich?

So what’s it about?: The world is coming to an end due to ensuing CGI chaos.

The Good: For a about 30 minutes in this film the world is coming apart and it is AWESOME.  And, yes, some lines are so deliciously cheesy you can’t help but enjoy it.

The Bad: This film is almost 3 hours long, and the destruction only lasts 30 minutes.  Do the math and you get a snooze fest.  There was way too much story and for anyone familiar with Roland Emmerich’s films you know that you don’t go see it for the story.  Not to mention this film contained two entirely different plot lines, one which didn’t even enter the picture till 20 minutes into the film and both which nobody really cared about.  But most importantly, this film lacked any deaths that you actually cared about which is essential to any disaster flick.  If people are going to die, you have to kill of a sympathetic character, not just the assholes!

The Verdict: If you want to see amazing special effects, wait for Avatar.  If you want a good popcorn movie, pull Independence Day off the shelf.  But unless you want to fall asleep, don’t see this movie.

#52: Bonnie and Clyde

So what’s it about?: Bonnie and Clyde rob banks and chaos ensues.

The Good: This film is considered a classic for a reason.  It’s a good film.  The script is well written, the acting is well done, and from a cinematography stand point there were some really cool shots in this.  You could just tell the crew put a lot of thought into this film and it shows.  And it has what all good films have: a good beginning and a killer ending.

The Bad: Like I feel most older films suffer from, this movie dragged on at times from the result of its slower pacing.  And Faye Dunaway and Estelle Parsons were so annoying at times that I began to hate them both, which was definitely more the fault of the characters rather than the actresses.

The Verdict: A must see for any fan of well made films, but if you are looking for a high octane gangster movie, perhaps look for something a little newer.

#51: American Pie Presents: Beta House

So what’s it about?: The same Stifler cousins and side kicks from Naked Mile are back for more ensuing overblown raunchy frat house chaos.

The Good: This movie is better than Naked Mile in that it’s not only funnier but it also is a little more true to the spirit of the original American Pie trilogy.   In other words, it felt like it belonged.   And it was nice to see a returning cast of characters.   Not to mention the most sexual characters were overweight in a refreshingly non-mocking way and one was female, which like never happens in raunchy teen comedies!

The Bad: Well, it is a direct-to-video movie and it has the quality of a direct-to-video movie.  Most of the plot is taken from better, funnier movies and some of the jokes just fall flat.

The Verdict: Great for a late night drunken movie in college or to hold all you GrΣΣk fans over till the new season starts.

#50: American Pie Presents: The Naked Mile

Okay, so I figured I’d seen the first four, I might as well finish the franchise, right?

So what’s it about?: Another Stifler who just so happens to be a high school virgin gets a guilt free pass from his girlfriend as he goes visits his college cousin in time for the Naked Mile.  Oh, yeah, and chaos ensues.

The Good: Well, it’s sufficiently funny and entertaining, and for a direct-to-video movie labelled under one of the raunchiest teen comedy franchises to date it’s not half bad.  And the characters are definitely a step up from those in Band Camp (which is probably why these were brought back for film 6).  Oh, and this wins for probably the only film that depicts a little person as sexy, so props.

The Bad: Um… how many Stiflers are there?  Were the other characters just not cool enough to have a never ending supply of cousins?  And the whole thing was reused.  The characters, the plot, nothing was original.

The Verdict: A fun film, but nothing more than that.

#49: Killer Klowns from Outer Space

So some colleagues of mine were talking about this crazy movie at work, at it sounded like a barrel of laughs, so I figured I should probably watch it.

So what’s it about?: Killer Klowns land in their circus tent space ship and ensue ultra campy chaos.

The Good: Hahaha, this movie is HILARIOUS!  A little on the creepy side, especially if you have a clown phobia, but honestly how scary are clowns that wrap you up in cotton candy and drink you through a crazy straw?  Really, though, this movie is a golden B horror flick.  And bonus points for a kick ass theme song.

The Bad: Well, the script and the acting are pretty laughable, but honestly that’s part of the fun!

The Verdict: It’s the Snakes on a Plane of the 80s, only better.

#48: Fantastic Mr. Fox

So what’s it about?: A family of foxes move in to a new tree, piss off the neighbors and ensue further chaos.

The Good: OMG, coolest stop motion animation movie ever, and this is coming from a huge fan of Wallace & Gromit shorts.  But the stop-motion in Fox blew any previous attempts out of the water.  It is just so cool.  And if you’re a Wes Anderson film, well, he does not disappoint.  In fact, if Wallace & Gromit grew hair and remade The Royal Tenenbaums it would be this movie.  And the story is not too shabby itself, though a bit all over the place.

The Bad: Um… while I know I would have loved this movie as a child, I also read Jane Eyre, Little Women and a biography of William Shakespeare all before my eleventh birthday, so I’m not really a good indicator of what kids like.  But I can tell you that most children will probably get bored.  It’s just a really smart, witty movie that might go unappreciated among the younger audience members, but, hey, in a era of fart jokes and bratty ingenues, this may be just the film children need!

The Verdict: A must see for any fan of Wes Anderson, cool animation, and just fun-to-watch films!

#47: Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire

OMG!

So what’s it about?: A young girl is pregnant with her second child by her father, lives with monster of a mother, and lives a life where chaos ensues every second.

The Good: This film is freaking amazing.  The acting is awesome, the script is perfect, the cinematography is really cool.  Hand an Oscar to the make-up artist now.  And while your at it, give one to Mo’Nique as well, because anybody who can play the most horrible character ever written deserves one.  Gabourey Sidibe?  Where the hell did they find this chick.  She’s amazing!  And, thankfully, there are some great moments of comedy strewn in to this horror fest.  And frankly this is a movie that needed to be made.  Because, even though based on an entirely fictional novel, it is probably one of the most real feeling movies I’ve seen, even more so than movies based on actual events (like Schindler’s List and Taking Woodstock).

The Bad: It is really, really, really hard to watch.  This is the only movie I’ve ever seen that was labeled horror that had people screaming in the audience.  There were times I wanted to walk out and just curl up in a corner somewhere it was just so grueling.  And the title is a little pretentious (but, don’t worry, the film is not).

The Verdict: You HAVE to go see it.  ’Nuff said.

#46: The Killers Live From The Royal Albert Hall

Okay… so I really went to the movie theater to see this concert film.  This Is It was just an unfortunate detour.

So what’s it about?: Well… not much.  But a lot of chaos ensued!

The Good: So… I’ve never really seen a concert film before (gasp!) so I don’t really have anything to compare it to.  But I can say that the quality of this film was amazing.  I saw The Killers in concert over the summer, and I have to say, this movie was practically like you were there, only the view was better, there wasn’t somebody screaming in your ear, and the movie theater lacked the smell of pot and beer.  And The Killers put on a very high energy concert of awesomeness!

The Bad: Seeing a concert in a movie theater just lacks the whole experience.  It’s very, very hard to sit in a chair in a dark auditorium when what you really want to do is jump around and sing along and act like a crazy person!

The Verdict: Any self-respecting fan of The Killers needs to own this film (it’s on DVD right now), because it’s a great documentation of a great concert.  And it also doubles as a work out video!

#45: This Is It

So what’s it about?: Rehearsal footage for Michael Jackson’s London shows is spliced together in a film that ensues editing chaos.

The Good: For Michael Jackson fans, this is a decent last look at the King of Pop.  For people who weren’t MJ fans, this is a reminder about how incredibly talented he was.  I mean, come on, the majority of his songs are pop gold mines.  And, even from this jumble of a film, you can totally tell that the concert itself would have been an amazing display of technical awesomeness.  But single handedly the best thing to come out of this is Orianthi, who proves her amazing guitar shredding skills in this movie (and also has a pretty decent album out).

The Bad: This film is neither concert film nor backstage documentary.  In fact, this is barely even a film.  It looks as though a five year old sat down with all this rehearsal footage and decided to mess around in iMovie for a couple of days and the result?  Well, This Is It.  And this movie is merely a look at Michael Jackson and what he could have been had he stayed living a little longer.  But anyone in their right mind knows that no matter how talented he still was in his final days, frankly he was a caricature of himself.  Really, though, if they were going to go through all the trouble to make a “memorial” film to give the fans one last goodbye, then why not just smash together a bunch of archive footage.  It would have been a lot better.

The Verdict: If you want one last reminder of how great Michael Jackson was, why don’t you go watch something with a little more staying power (and some editing).  Do a music video marathon, moon walk around your living room, and top it of with The Wiz.  But stay away from this film, unless you have a thing for paying to see home movies.

P.S. Just noticed the tag line is “Like You’ve Never Seen Him Before”.  In this case, that’s not a good thing.

#44: Blade Runner

So… I finally got watched past the first 10 minutes of Blade Runner.  So, yeah, I guess I can officially call myself a sci-fi fan without having to bow my head in shame.  And for the record I watched the original theatrical version (because it’s the one available to stream on Netflix).

So what’s it about?: In a future LA, a group of illegal “replicants” is on the lose, and one kind of retired Blade Runner must “retire” them.  Slowly and surely, some chaos ensues.

The Good: For a movie set 10 years from today, it seems surprisingly realistic.  Okay, so LA isn’t going to magically start looking like Tokyo and NYC got together and had a decrepit and mutilated baby in 10 years time.  But a world where the street lingo is a mish mash of multiple languages, the billboards are all animated light displays, and advances in bioengineering are astoundingly realistic is not so far off!  And, hey, if you ever go to LA Live, you know the second one has already happened!  So as far as futuristic worlds go, this one is remarkable one of the most realistic.

The Bad: This film was kind of slow.  Okay, yeah, there’s pretty much a general consensus on that.  But not only was it slow, but in the end I cared about a total of none of the characters, which made it that much slower.  As for the plot, there were seemingly important items that were never addressed (or else I just stopped paying attention out of sheer boredom).  And a movie about a group of seemingly bad people/androids that are constantly discriminated against turn out to be kind of okay?  How freaking original!  And that voice over was absolutely laughably bad.  Seriously, did Harrison Ford forget how to act?

The Verdict: Watch it.  Because apparently people like this film, but honestly I would watch the director’s cut because apparently people like it more.

Okay, so after a little research it turns out the Director’s Cut doesn’t have the cheesy voice over.  This may actually significantly improve the film.  I may have to watch the final version… though it probably won’t happen till 2019.